I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
