3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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