he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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