I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize