If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
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She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
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I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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