I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
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I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
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I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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