Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
