i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
