if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
