What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.