your room smells of hookers.
And success
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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