I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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