I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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