Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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