I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
