Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
