mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
