Is it normal to miss your booty call?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
