Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
