I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize