i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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