areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
