He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
