overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize