this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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