I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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