This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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