I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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