Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
