the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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