dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
