I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.