You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.