you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
operation harelip BJ is a go
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
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I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
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I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny