She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
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Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.