so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie