I accidentally burped into my bong.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
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There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
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A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south