At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.