Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle