why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
too bad burritos don't cuddle back