I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
