you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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