i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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