I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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