She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
