you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
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Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
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Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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