Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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