I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
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He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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