You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
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I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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