how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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