when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
