Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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