your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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