I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.