be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!