I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.