1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.