I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
They took my balls.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize