You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
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I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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