Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize